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2010-05-09 17:40:13 UTC
I want to decide it by today itself. I don't know what is my orientation. I just want to know that today. I'm 25 years male. Let me put in straight way. In my childhood unfortunately i was in to bi sex. My brother friend forced me to suck his cock. And I'm younger to him and i didn't know anything about sex. We went to dark places or forest or bushes hiding from school or bunking. that might my adrenaline raised and he cashed mine adrenaline. we were in dark places and e unzipped his and ask to suck his.Mine is small compared to him and he told me that mine will grow if i sucked his. firstly, i hesitated and lately i liked getting in some motion. he used to experiment with me in all angels. After few years i got my puberty while i was doing that. weekly once we used to bunk school and get into bushes we arranged for that and i enjoyed having his in my mouth. he encouraged me with his words that i'm doing great. ofcourse i liked the taste and words. After a while we got separated schools and i moved from that place. And ever night i used to think that i missed his. Mean while my cousin just showed his big cock and just discouraged me that i am small. So i got angry and that night i thought i would suck him so that i can increase mine to his size. And i made assault and worked out and he too enjoyed ahead from me. this continued till my 8th grade. But with weeks span of interval. But after that i moved to other place and concentrated my 10th grade and used to masturbate thinking them off a while. Mean while i got intention on my class girls and actresses and all female attractions. Often i used to masturbate thinking about their cocks and frequently did thinking about nude girls. This happened 2 years and in my +2 this friend of brother came in to picture and i went to his house for some reason. there he assaulted on me and got successfully ahead from me. I got my first taste in my mouth and forget about female attraction for that week. Later again we got departed and i never met him till 4 years. Mean while i never met my cousin also. and greatly i fell in love. I enjoyed my love moments a lot and i never used to get those thoughts in my mind. Later that ***** gave ditch to me and i was single. My bachelors completed and i met both of them but never had those feelings in-front of them. they too behaved as grown up and we had never engaged in any activities. But i was idle for two years watching porn, not getting into job because failing in interviews. Watching porn(sucking cock by female leads) drove me crazy and i felt i needed them badly. every night i used to watch that **** and think about long cocks of those two guys and masturbated myself. when ever i got female distractions in my life i never used to think about this non-sense. but if watched porn, that makes me crazy and makes up my mind to want one in my hand or mouth. Worst thing is after effects of masturbation if i thought about sucking *****. i feel so sick that i made a terrible mistakes and made myself promises to never thinking of that again..but being idle drives me watching porn and watching porn craves me giving ahead. So one day i made myself to go for secret practical and yahoo chat helped me to find a partner. I went to him and nobody knows that. i tried to give ahead and felt miserable and escaped from there. I decided no to do that again. but this carving drove me to do that again. Again i decided to do that and decided to test myself. Unwillingly i did that and i forced myself in to that with a stranger. he enjoyed a lot but after i felt sick that like a girl loosing virginity. Of all that i did only sucking *****. recently i came to know the orientation of Gay. thought that i was gay and tried all the gay work. nothing worked out but everything worked out with girls. I liked heart fully attention towards girls but this bi/gay disturbance is really annoying me. I always have carvings to give blow jobs but practically on location its not working. I don't have attraction towards guys but have towards girls. I want to love girls, care them want to marry one and have intention towards them. but if i see long ***** i will be disturbed. If i see porn actor starts handling their thick and long cocks or someone sucking their ***** i loose my control and my cravings will start to have one in my mouth. but after masturbation everything is normal and i get more depressed doing that.
So guys, what i am. i put my life before you to decide. tell me whats my orientation. Of all these days i never liked the taste of semen or fantasized anal. i just dreamed or gave or fantasized only sucking big cocks. Today I'm having only 6" cock. But i read some where that its enough for satisfying women. Before marrying i want know my orientation which i never known that even it existed till recent years. Am i eligible to marry. but strongly i decided to remove this illusions or intentions from my